Are you sabotaging your dreams? Here are five common ways women over 40 sabotage and compromise their dreams.
If you prefer to watch instead of read, I also created a video on this topic:
1
Detrimental self-sacrifice
I made that term up. It refers to putting everyone and everything first above and before yourself. When you do this, you have zero time and zero energy to dedicate to your dreams.
This year, I realized I have a history.
That is, a history of dropping everything to help others.
My mom
My brother
My friends
Anyone and everyone whom I cared about who needed help.
This had become my story.
Has it become yours, too?
If you’re like most middle-aged women, you’ve spent a lifetime putting everyone else first. But what about yourself?
What about what you want?
Do you even know what you want? Have you spent a lifetime being there for others and not for yourself? Us midlifers are in a sandwich stage of life. The phase of life where we are in between caring for children and caring for our parents.
In many families, the girls are raised to be the caretakers, the mediators, the peacekeepers. That certainly was the case for me.
This means we often get lost in the chaos.
Our needs
Our desires
Our dreams
You can’t make room for your dreams to grow if your life is overstuffed with caring for others.
This isn’t about being selfish. This is about prioritizing yourself. for once.
2
Letting your career role define you
For years, my professional role was that of a Registered Nurse. This became my identity. When I dreamed of doing something else, I immediately dismissed my dreams.
How can I? I’m a nurse. That’s a noble, stable, secure role (I can’t tell you how many people said this to me in one form or another). It isn’t a role you leave. You stay because of the stability.
But here’s the thing…
Your work is what you do. It’s not who you are.
Read that again if you need to.
Most of the roles we play in life, especially career roles, are not etched in stone. They can be changed. You can change.
You just need to give yourself permission.
You need to open up to the reality that you’re a multi-dimensional being.
There are many aspects to your being.
No one role can define you.
3
Fear of other’s perception
‘What will other people think if I have a midlife career change or decide to change direction…again?’
Oh, how this holds us back!
Fear of perception may be the number one fear in life. I’d wager it is.
Did you know 77% of people have a fear of public speaking, also known as glossophobia*.
You’ve probably already heard that statistic, but I bet you haven’t heard this one: Women (70%) are more likely than men (57%) to experience glossophobia*.
This fear of public speaking has many causes but one of the main ones is a fear of other’s perceptions. A fear of how people will judge, criticize, assess, reject you.
I notice this is a tough one for people who have professions that are considered ‘prestigious’. The more prestigious your career, the harder it is to switch to something else. One reason is that you fear people will not understand your switch, they’ll doubt and criticise you.
But here’s the thing, you don’t live for those people. They will always have judgments about you whether you do something or don’t.
Your judgment about yourself is all that matters. And if you don’t take steps toward your dreams, your self-judgment will be even louder than theirs.
4
Holding onto past failures
Maybe you tried a few things before to reach your dreams and they didn’t work. So, now you hold onto those past attempts. They trap you in a state of fear.
‘What if I fail again?’
Here’s a question for you: what if you succeed?
You cannot let past attempts define your present or stop you from creating the future you want.
When things don’t go as planned, learn from the experience and move on!
5
Attaching your self-esteem to your dream goals (and the efforts to get you there).
Most traditional careers require attending some type of school to learn the foundational skills (ie trade school, university, etc.). Getting your certification and/or degree is typically a linear progression. If you show up, put your head down, have discipline do the work, and perform well on exams, you will come out the other end rewarded.
If you are an aspiring entrepreneur, you need to know that entrepreneurial dreams are nothing like this.
You can do all of the above (show up, put your head down, do the work, etc.) and still not grow your business. It’s a rollercoaster for 90%+ of entrepreneurs.
Achieving your dreams will probably not follow a straight timeline. And that feels hard. You will also doubt yourself and when things don’t go as planned, it can lower your self-esteem…if you let it. You can not take your entrepreneurial results personally.
You must separate them from your dreams or you will feel crushed every time your efforts do not pay off.
With each year, you either get closer to your dreams or further away.
Let this year be the year you show up for yourself and blaze a trail toward the life you want!
*Cited: https://gitnux.org/public-speaking-fears-statistics/
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